This Is War
by Dark Goddess013
Summary: Prank War! Girls VS Guys! Who will win? Who knows what's gonna happen with jokes, pranks, the bird ect. Read and find out who will win. Rated T for the swearing. One shot.


This. Is. War.

Alice's Pov

I was lying on my bed watching The Ring when I heard Rosalie and Bella screaming at the guys before stalking in my room covered in red and green paint looking furious. Apparently they had also dismantled their cars. I got up and went in my closet to get them some clothes but when I opened it, I saw my clothes ripped up and covered in red and green paint and my credit cards and is that what I think it is? PIECES. OF. MY. PORSCHE! Ripped up next to my clothes and credit cards with writing on the walls saying: Boyz Rule!

"THEY. ARE. DEAD!" I screeched turning to the girls and coming up with an evil plan. MWAHAHAHAH!

"Alice, why did you laugh evilly?" Bella asked cautiously, looking at me like I'm crazy (Seriously why do people keep doing that!?)

"Oh, did I do that out loud? Oopsie." I asked, shrugging and giggling evilly

* * *

"NOOOOOOOO! MY CAR!" Rosalie and I heard Emmett and laughed before running to the garage to see Emmett, big, strong Emmett, on his knees, dry sobbing in front of his jeep which was now pink with little hearts all over it and the words: MY GIRLFRIEND MADE ME PAINT MY CAR. HONK IF YOU THINK I'M WHIPPED! And we honked our horns (A\N: I got this idea from another story) before we heard a scream from my room and we ran to my room to see Jasper standing in front of the mirror touching his now bald head in horror. Oh the miracles' of Nair in shampoo… and itching powder in soap. Boy is he in for a big surprise later!

"Couldn't figure out a prank for me? Getting a little weak?" Edward asked with a cocky smirk on his face only for it to fall off when he heard Bella call for help and we smirked and said in unison "Not quite." And he ran for Bella with me behind him and we both got outside to see her perfectly okay

"This is your big prank? You're losing your touch, little sister." He said mockingly and I pulled Bella away from him as a shadow appeared from above him and his piano fell on him

"I don't think so, big brother. We haven't even started yet." I told him as I wrote 'I have a stick up my ass' on his head in permanent paint. This. Is. War.

* * *

I went shopping at JC Penny for clothes that weren't ripped and painted red and green but then something weird happened. I went to ask if they had this shirt in my size and when he said no, I suddenly got really angry for some weird reason and kind of went KABOOM on the poor clerk.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE MY SIZE?! HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE MY SIZE?! I WILL DESTROY YOU, TWERP! ARE YOU EYEBALLING ME, SOLDIER?!" I exploded making the clerk shake in fear

"N-n-no, Miss." He stuttered

"That's what I thought. Now… DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY, MAGGOT!" I shouted in his face and he quickly dropped and started doing exactly that when I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around and got splashed in the face with… is this holy water? What the hell?

"What the hell was that for?" I asked, looking down at my, now see through, white shirt before glaring at them when they stared and… wait was that a growl I heard? The guard didn't answer he just picked up his walkie-talkie and said and I quote "Code 666 has been taken care of." What the hell is code 666? Why had I been splashed with what tasted and smelled like holy water? And how the hell had I not seen this coming?

* * *

I later on found out these four things:

1. It was a prank by my lovely husband and lovely brothers (who I'm going to kill very painfully)

2. I do not look good with neon pink hair (did I mention I'm going to kill them very painfully?)

3. They also pranked Rosalie, made her hair, clothes and car smell like wet dog and they also rigged her car so it couldn't go over 20 and Bella, ripped her books up and painted her and her room pink. (They're going to help me kill them very painfully)

4. Code 666 was code for demonic possession (I AM GOING TO KILL THEM VERY PAINFULLY!)

* * *

Rose and I were crouched in Rose and Emmett's closet with Rose holding a video camera waiting for Emmett to come in. A couple of minutes later he came in and relaxed on the bed. Perfect. I pressed a button and the bed started shaking with a growling sound coming from underneath it and when Emmett got up to check it, I pressed another button and a robotic, disfigured hand came out from under the bed and pulled him under, screaming.

"Hey! Only Rosie's allowed to slap my ass!" We heard Emmett yell and we almost lost it and blew our cover. He finally clawed his way out only for a Freddy Kruger robot to pop out of the ground, making him shriek

"Come on baby, give me a little tongue." The Freddy robot said, wiggling his tongue out at Emmett making him scream in terror and he went to run out of the room and was almost out the door when a clown head popped out of the door, laughing manically making him run THROUGH the door, screaming. We heard a slap and then Emmett yelling "Stop slapping my ass!" and we lost it and started laughing, hysterically, falling out of the closet.

* * *

Jasper's Pov

We were playing Baseball, girls vs. guys, now seeing how competitive the girls were, I didn't think they would prank us during the game so imagine my surprise when I step up to base and swung the bat to hit the ball Alice threw only for it to explode paint all over me when it hit the bat. Now if you think that was all they did to me then you don't know my wife and sister's very well when their hell bent for revenge… lucky you. It turned out that the paint wasn't actually paint, it was actually body dye that couldn't be washed off for a month so my bald head was permanently red and my body was permanently green for a whole month. Sadly that wasn't all they did. Rose and Bella also projected a whole lot of lust for Emmett and Edward at me which made me try to make out with them causing them to push me and run away, screaming, with me following them and my lovely wife recording it. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse I heard sweet, innocent Bella yell out "Catch those hot pieces of ass!" before they all started laughing. Sweet and innocent my ass! This. Is. War.

* * *

Edward's Pov

I walked into the living room, looking for what Emmett had left for me and saw a cartoon TNT detonator and laughed, it was so Emmett and then I did something that I would forever regret. I pushed the detonator. I heard a huge KABOOM coming from the garage and ran in and saw my cars in pieces and dropped to my knees.

"NOOOOOOO! MY CAR!" I yelled at the sky when I saw a piece of paper in the mist of the- sob- ashes- sob- of my- sob- car- WAHHHH-

_Dear Annoyingus __Ignoramus,_

_Stop sobbing for a minute and let me say one thing…_

_HAHAHA in your face, sucker! I made you destroy your own cars! Once again… HAHAHA!_

_Ps. This. Is. War. Bitch!_

_Sincerely, Alice, Rosalie and Bella aka The Winning Team (oh yeah! I went there, Bitch!)_

* * *

No one's Pov

Edward, Jasper and Emmett were sitting on the couch; Esme was in the kitchen, Carlisle was at work and the girls were playing makeover. For the first time in weeks the house was quiet and peaceful but that peace and quiet was quickly broken by a piercing scream but considering what the girls were doing it would have been strange if there was no screaming. What was out of the ordinary however was Bella running down the stairs, petrified, with nobody running after her.

"Alice and Rosalie got taken by something!" Bella exclaimed, hysterically and the boys rolled their eyes and scoffed

"We're not falling for that, Bella." Edward told her with Jasper and Emmett nodding next to him

"This isn't a prank, dumbasses! I'm serious! Please you have to believe me!" She shrieked before a hand broke through the floor, grabbing her ankle and pulling her down into the hole, screaming

"Very realistic but we're not falling for it so you can just give it up!" Emmett declared loudly as Esme walked in and started lecturing the boys before kneeling down next to the hole, telling the girls to knock it off when the same hand grabbed her hair and dragged her down the hole, screaming. The boys jumped up, suddenly terrified, knowing that Esme would never participate in the prank war, and slowly walked over to the hole when they heard a creepy childish voice, singing "_One, Two, We're coming for you!"_

"What is going on here!?" The boys jumped and clung to each other, shrieking girlishly, Emmett even went as far as jumping into Edward's arms before turning around to see… Carlisle.

"And what is that smell?!" Carlisle asked, nose wrinkled up in disgust and Edward dropped Emmett before flailing his arms around in disgust

"Huh, I didn't know a vampire could go number 2." Jasper remarked and Emmett jumped up and stomped his foot, pouting

"I was scared alright?" He sniffled and Carlisle sighed, muttering about idiots and vampire aspirin.

"What is going on here?" Carlisle asked "I asked knowing I am going to regret it." And the boys explained what happened but Carlisle was sure it was just another prank so he walked over to the hole, making the boys shriek in fear

"Calm down, it's just one of the girls pranks." Carlisle told them, exasperated

"Yeah Em, don't shit your pants… oh wait… too late." Jasper joked before they screamed as the same hand shot out, grabbing Carlisle by his throat and pulling him down the hole. The boys stood there shaking in fear when they heard a childish giggle echo throughout the house, making them whimper as the voice started singing again "_Three, Four, What's the smell in your draws?"_

"What's up, shit pants?" The boys screamed and turned around to see… the bird!

"Why the hell are you here? Never mind. I don't care, just get out!" Edward demanded and the bird stuck his tongue out

"Who do you think you are? Do you think your poop doesn't stink?" The bird asked

"I don't know about mine but Emmett's sure does." Edward answered and the bird flipped him the bird

"Hey, hey! What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem." The bird joked and Emmett started laughing before they started hearing that creepy giggle again along with the sound of rattling chains and the voice rang out again "_Five, Six, Smells like shit!"_

"True dat! Did you make an encore, shit pants?" The bird asked, sniffing the air

"Hey! You would too! I bet you won't go down that hole." Emmett told him and the bird puffed out his chest, arrogantly and started towards the hole when a loud growl came out of it, making him fly back to Emmett

"No f*cking way, shit pants! I'm not becoming no f*cking birdie chow!" The bird said when the TV suddenly came on and water started leaking from it, making the bird squawk in fear

"Oh no! It's that psycho Samara bitch! Oh shit! I owe her money! On second thought I think I'll take my chances with the birdie chow! Peace out, hommies!" The bird saluted and flew into the hole when they heard another loud growl

"Oh shit! You are fugly, yo!" They heard the bird say before they heard a roar and a squawk that was cut off before a loud burp reverberated from the hole followed by feathers. They heard the childish giggle again but this time it was followed by the creepy childish voice, singing again "_Seven, Eight, You fell for the bait!"_ which made them whimper before screaming when someone tapped their shoulders and they turned to see… Samara. Wait! Samara!? They screamed and Edward hide behind the couch while Jasper hide behind the curtains and Emmett… well… Emmett hide underneath the rug.

Edward felt water dripping on him and shrieked before looking up to see Samara standing above him and quickly backed up with her following him.

Jasper cowered behind the curtains when suddenly they were pulled back and he whimpered before looking up to see Samara standing in front of him and started backing up with her following him.

Emmett shook in terror under the rug only for it to be pulled off of him and he sobbed before looking up to see Samara standing over him and went to kick her but she grabbed his foot and threw him into the wall the other two were backed up against. The thing that freaked them out the most was the fact that there were three Samaras'! THREE FRICKIN SAMARAS'!

"_Nine, Ten, _YOU BITCHES FELL FOR IT AGAIN!" They yelled and took off the masks to show that it was Alice, Bella and Rosalie as Carlisle, Esme and the bird came in the living room, laughing

"Hey, Blondie!? Why did the blonde tip-toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!" The bird joked, making Rose growl at him

"Okay, okay! You got us but just you wait! We'll get you back!" Emmett declared and the 'guys' puffed out their chests, arrogantly before they turned around and promptly screamed upon coming seeing Samara before they laughed.

"Nice one. One… last… prank. Wait if you guys are all here then… that… means…" Jasper trailed off as they looked at Samara and she raised her arms towards them

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"I can't believe you got all of them in on it!" Edward said as they sat watching TV "On second thought, how did you get Samara into it? I thought she hated our guts."

"Oh she does. Trust me, she does." Alice told him as the TV started leaking and Samara came out looking pissed off with the bird in her hand

"I thought we had a deal! I help you with your prank and you guys STOP F*CKING ANNOYING ME AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE SO I CAN STOP HAVING F*CKING NIGHTMARES'!" She yelled and throw the bird at them and went back into the TV but then poked her head back out

"OH AND KEEP THAT CREEPY ASS BIRD THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, JUST F*CKING DO IT! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO BURN MY F*CKING TAPE! JUST KEEP HIM THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME!"

* * *

Please review and if you didn't recognize the bird or Samara, read House Hunting and The Phone Call

Xxx Dark Goddess013 Xxx


End file.
